It will be alright tomorrow. But right now, just let it hurt.
My fatal flaw is that i spend too much time thinking about other people. It’s not even in the Good Samaritan, helping others kind of way. I just spend too much time thinking about what others are doing, should I be making time for them, do they want me making time, do they care that I care, what do they think of me, do they think of me?
It’s a flaw that truly ruins me and keeps me up at night sometimes.
I think that’s why I get so stressed out about other people and their situations. Because sometimes, I think that I’m thinking about them more than they’re thinking about themselves.
That sounds so narcissistic on my part doesn’t it?
I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much from people.
All I know is that I’m tired of it. I don’t want to expect anything from people. I don’t want to make myself available for them when in reality, it’s not at all necessary. I’m not actually needed.
(God, I hope this isn’t what motherhood feels like… I’d feel like hell all the time).
That’s why I was finally ok with not dating anyone or not having so many friends. That way I could focus on myself and make time for me. I mean shit, if no one else was thinking of me, why the fuck shouldn’t I be looking out for myself. And now, having friends and having a boyfriend is biting me in the ass. I’m still grateful to have everyone around but when I’m in my room at night (sometimes, for the first time in days), all of my sorrows and burdens buried under my piles of clothes and dirty laundry come out to remind me just how alone I am.